


So What Do You Want Them to Say When You're Gone? (That You Gave Up or That You Kept Going On?)

by Specificity



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 23:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16073489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Specificity/pseuds/Specificity
Summary: “Is Robert cheating on you?” Liv asks, stomping into the flat and slamming the front door behind her.Rummaging around in the cupboard beneath the sink, Aaron starts at the sound of her voice, head cracking hard against the underside of the cupboard top.“What?” He pulls himself up and straightens himself out, hand rubbing at the site where a throbbing lump is already forming. “Where did that come from?”“Well, I’ve just seen him up near the cemetery acting shifty and looking fancier than usual, and Noah said he saw him get into his car not long before that with a huge bunch of flowers.” Liv shrugs, yanking open the fridge to take out a bottle of water. “I had to ask.”





	So What Do You Want Them to Say When You're Gone? (That You Gave Up or That You Kept Going On?)

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by and written for frecklysugden@tumblr for the Robron Fandom Appreciation Week.

“Is Robert cheating on you?” Liv asks, stomping into the flat and slamming the front door behind her.

Rummaging around in the cupboard beneath the sink, Aaron starts at the sound of her voice, head cracking hard against the underside of the cupboard top.

“What?” He pulls himself up and straightens himself out, hand rubbing at the site where a throbbing lump is already forming. “Where did that come from?”

“Well, I’ve just seen him up near the cemetery acting shifty and looking fancier than usual, and Noah said he saw him get into his car not long before that with a huge bunch of flowers.” Liv shrugs, yanking open the fridge to take out a bottle of water. “I had to ask.”

“Did you?” Aaron asks, eyebrow raised. “I’m not sure I really want to know.”

“But you’re gonna go up there and see what he’s up to?”

“Uh, no? I trust him.”

“Why? It’s not like he’s not done it before.”

“That was then, this is now.”

“Fine,” Liv says, shrugging, “If you’re sure.”

“You sound as if you want him to be cheating on me.”

“Nah, you know how I feel about him. But better safe than sorry, right?”

He watches as she grabs her things and heads up the stairs like a chaotic whirlwind, frowning in her wake.

It’s not that he thinks Robert is cheating on him, not after everything they’ve been through to get where they are now, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried.

It takes him a few moments of quiet debate, but in the end he grabs his keys and throws on his jacket, heading out the front door. He doesn’t bother with the car, it’s not that far of a walk, and sets off up the road towards the graveyard.

He spots the car before anything else, pulled over at the side of the road, and locked up. Heading across the road, Aaron walks into the cemetery itself, but he doesn’t have far to look. It’s not the grave he expects to find him at, but there Robert stands all the same, flowers in his arms.

“My pulse like a soft drum, beats my approach, tells thee I come; and slow howe’er my marches be, I shall at last sit down by thee.”

Aaron isn’t quiet as he approaches, but Robert still visibly starts, though his gaze never leaves the headstone.

The name on the headstone is old and worn, and it reads: RICIA SUGDEN.

“Ricia?”

“Patricia. Pat.”

“Oh. Your mum?”

“Birth mum, yeah.”

Aaron nods, considering the way Robert corrects him on that. Whenever he thinks of his mum, it’s not this woman lying before them that he thinks about, but he clearly does think of her from time to time.

“I don’t know why, but sometimes I find myself coming here, to this grave, but once I’m here I don’t know what to do or what to say. Is that weird?”

“She died when you were still a baby. You didn’t really know her, did you? And she’s not the one who raised you.”

“No, but that’s not her fault.”

“Of course it isn’t, but it is what it is.”

“Yeah.”

Aaron stands there, enough space between them to allow Robert to breathe easy, and he keeps quiet. It’s daft, but he hopes that it makes a difference somehow.

“My dad used to talk about her, when I was really little, and Mum, too, sometimes. But eventually it all stopped, and I’m not even sure if what I remember is right anymore.”

“What do you remember?”

“Not much. Dad used to tell me how much she loved me, how proud she’d be, but as I got older, I became nothing short of a disappointment to him, and then he started letting me know how ashamed she’d be.” Robert shrugs. “Maybe she would have been.”

“She was your mum, Robert, she would’ve loved you. She would’ve been proud. I know I am.”

Robert turns, then, just enough to offer a soft smile, the one he reserves only for him, but only sadness touches his eyes.

“There’s no point torturing yourself about what she would or wouldn’t think. There’s no one left who can really tell you.”

“What if she hates me?” Robert asks, voice quiet, small, so far from his usual self, and he turns away again, looking down at one of the bouquets of flowers he placed there before Aaron arrived. “What if she can’t forgive me for thinking of someone else as my mum?”

“She’d never hate you for that, Robert.” Aaron steps closer, now, reaching out until his hand rests upon his shoulder, offering a comforting squeeze. “If anything, I think she would’ve been glad you had someone to look after you, someone who loved you as much as she did, if not more.”

Neither of them speaks for a long while after that, their words lingering around them in the air, and weighing heavy on both of them. 

Aaron’s mum is still with him, but there was a time when she left him behind, when bad things happened to him and she wasn’t there to love him, to protect him, and he hated her for that once. He forgets, sometimes, that Robert’s had three mums, two of which are dead, and one that came later. It reminds him of how lucky he actually is, as well as how much Robert’s had taken from him.

“Do you want me to leave you alone to talk?”

“Why? It’s not like she can hear me, and I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“You talk to your mum sometimes,” Aaron says, neither of them embarrassed by the fact, and yet Robert seems to be now. To help things along, Aaron crouches down and places one hand upon the top of the gravestone, the other tracing the worn lettering. “Hi, Mrs Sugden. I’m Aaron Dingle, the man who’s madly in love with your son.” Robert makes a strangled sound, a cause for concern, but when Aaron twists his neck around and looks up, Robert is clearly trying to stop himself from laughing. Turning back to the headstone, Aaron continues, trying to stifle his own amusement, “I struggle to remember why, though, sometimes.”

“You know you love me, you know why you do.”

Aaron pushes himself up until he’s standing again, and, smiling, he leans in and grazes their lips together before capturing Robert’s in a brief, tender kiss.

“Yeah, I do, and I’ve never been prouder.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Robert’s smile fades a little, though, but as he approaches the headstone, bending low to place a hand atop of it, Aaron realises why.

“Hi, Mum. I—I want you to know that I do think about you from time to time. I don’t have much to go on, but I do have a few old photos of you, and I’ve heard a few stories, too. It’s not the same as having you here, but I do picture you sometimes, and I like to think that if you were here you’d at least like who I’ve turned out to be. I wish I could’ve met you properly, known you myself, and I’ll never really be okay with the fact I never got that chance. I know it’s not your fault, I never blamed you, and I hope you don’t blame me for seeing Sarah as a mum in your place. For what it’s worth, she was the best mum any kid could ask for.” Robert seems to hesitate, but ultimately decides he’s said all he came to say, standing up beside him.

Aaron reaches for Robert’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Yeah, she’d definitely be proud of you, especially if she’d seen how far you’ve come to get here.”

“I love you.”

Aaron smiles, scanning the words on the tombstone, and only looks at Robert when he feels him squeezing his hand.

“Oh, you mean me.” Aaron laughs, but it’s kind, and he knows he’s wearing the soft smile that only Robert can bring out of him. “I love you, too, idiot. Still not sure why, but I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually.”

“Shut up, you know you’d be lost without me.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I was an absolute mess without you.”

Robert sighs beside him, and a moment later nudges Aaron, leading him away from one grave and guiding him to another. Aaron stands back as Robert lays down the bouquet of flowers on the grave clearly marked: SARAH SUGDEN. 

“Wife of Jack, and devoted mother of Robert, Andy, and Victoria.” Aaron smiles as he stares down at the more familiar gravestone. “You know, as sad as it is that you had two mums taken away from you, there is another way of looking at it.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, that you had two mums to start with. Three, if we’re including Diane.”

“Yeah, it’s not the same, she wasn’t there when I was growing up, not really, but she’s— Yeah, she’s been like a mum to me.”

“And do you reckon Sarah would hate her for being there when she couldn’t be?”

“No, at least, I don’t think so, not really. And if she could see how amazing our Vic’s turned out with Diane there to take care of her when Mum and Dad were gone, I think she’d be glad.”

“I wish I could’ve met her, I think I would’ve really liked her.”

“Yeah, I think you would’ve, too.”

Aaron slides his arm around Robert’s back, fingers curling around his waist, and he leans up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Do you need some time?”

“No, I’m good. I can come back anytime. I guess I just like to stop by, so she knows I think about her sometimes. I missed so much time while I was away.”

“You’re here, now, where you belong.”

“Home,” Robert says, his smile audible, and when Aaron looks to check, he’s relieved to see it reaches his eyes this time.

“Home,” Aaron agrees, turning them around and guiding Robert back towards the road where he left his car. “If you’re lucky, I’ll introduce you to Jackson sometime.”

“Jackson?”

“He played a big part in my life. It took me a long time to learn to forgive him for what he did, for what he made me do, but most days I manage it. If it hadn’t been for him, I’m not sure I’d still be here today.”

When Robert doesn’t say anything, Aaron looks at him, really looks, and bursts out laughing. He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t help it.

“What?”

“You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Uh, yeah, you are. You’ve got that look.”

“What look?”

“The look you get when you’re jealous.”

“Shut up.”

Both laughing, Aaron and Robert make it out of the cemetery and back onto the road, letting their arms fall away from each other to climb into the car. 

So much has happened in both of their lives, and some days are much harder than others, but this, this is a good day all around.


End file.
